1 00:00:01,159 --> 00:00:03,680 Baby. Y'all got snacks and couches? 2 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:08,160 Tell 3 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:19,740 us 4 00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:21,380 what your favorite night is, girl. 5 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,100 What the hell is going on? 6 00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:28,580 Are you using my crew to shoot a music video? 7 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:31,530 Yes. It's my new theme song for Sunday Night Football. 8 00:00:31,910 --> 00:00:34,910 Do you think they'll like it? I mean, no, I don't. Mostly because you kept 9 00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:38,410 saying Monday. You did. I didn't want to say anything, but you kind of did. 10 00:00:38,610 --> 00:00:41,550 Yeah, maybe you just got confused because tonight is Monday. 11 00:00:41,870 --> 00:00:42,870 Oh, snap. 12 00:00:43,030 --> 00:00:43,969 Not bad. 13 00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:45,930 Good note. Everybody back to one. 14 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,330 You just going to stand there or what? 15 00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:06,780 Drama? No. 16 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:12,300 Drama. Carmelo Dinkins is secretly dating Delilah Basmati. 17 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:17,160 The Basmatis and Dinkinses are football's Montagues and Capulets, 18 00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:20,080 Autobots and Decepticons for modern audiences. 19 00:01:20,340 --> 00:01:23,880 And when Reggie and Monica realize that their Romeo, or Bumblebee, is dating 20 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:29,600 Jerry and TJ's Juliet, Starscream... Look, Reggie has always been able to 21 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,960 count on his family, through injuries, scandal, and even the ill-advised 22 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:33,960 Kwanzaa album. 23 00:01:44,830 --> 00:01:48,910 And now his only son has been taken into the bosom of his greatest rival. 24 00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:52,950 Talk about drama! 25 00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:59,230 Bella, did the Manning cast ever get back to us? Oh, their assistant said 26 00:01:59,230 --> 00:02:01,230 they passed, so I sent flowers. 27 00:02:02,670 --> 00:02:04,230 All my friends are dying. 28 00:02:06,070 --> 00:02:09,690 Of course, Reggie getting a few votes for the Hall didn't suddenly make 29 00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:12,650 everything go back to the way it was before his scandal. We didn't know how 30 00:02:12,650 --> 00:02:14,590 good we had it during the Bush presidency. 31 00:02:15,090 --> 00:02:16,510 But some things have changed. 32 00:02:17,030 --> 00:02:20,430 Reggie's episode of SNL is finally up on Peacock. 33 00:02:20,770 --> 00:02:23,950 I'm also 50, Sally O'Malley! 34 00:02:24,670 --> 00:02:27,950 And I feel like Jet fans have started to chill out a little. 35 00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:31,690 Hey, Dinkins, I'm increasingly ambivalent about you. 36 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:37,380 The tricky thing is capitalizing on all that, but I can't keep up with what's 37 00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:38,560 even a thing anymore. 38 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:42,780 Yeah, Monica thought she booked me on Pablo Torres' sports podcast. 39 00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:47,700 It turned out to be Julio Torres'... something. 40 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,720 What do you think about the color clear? 41 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:55,140 A lot. It was fun, but it didn't get me any closer to the Hall of Fame. 42 00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:59,460 Back in the day, we had a whole outside PR and marketing firm. Now I don't even 43 00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:00,460 have an assistant anymore. 44 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:01,960 Late last night... 45 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,290 Bella went to a farm upstate. 46 00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:07,890 Oh, why did I say it like that? No, she really did. 47 00:03:08,090 --> 00:03:11,350 Her son lives in Bovina. She wanted to be closer to her grandkids. 48 00:03:12,430 --> 00:03:13,430 She's fine. 49 00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:18,110 We need help. I tried Googling how to get famous without having to be Steve 50 00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:22,210 Harvey. No one says Google anymore, Reg. Now you say search it up. 51 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,600 Is that true? I don't believe you. 52 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,660 Knock, knock, Mr. 53 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,040 Tobin. A major favorite. 54 00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:35,060 Warm beans, scalding hot tomatoes, two hard eggs, blood meat, and some wet 55 00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:37,380 mushrooms. A proper English breakfast. 56 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:44,700 Yums. But I know that you know that I know about you and your young lady, and 57 00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:47,160 you should also know that I cannot be bribed. Okay. 58 00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:49,580 Well, then how about blackmail? 59 00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:55,260 I grew up with sisters and I never learned the other way. 60 00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:59,380 And I was trying to tell you that I can't be bribed because I'm not going to 61 00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:00,219 say anything. 62 00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:02,100 Why? Because I don't have to. 63 00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:07,560 It's going to come out eventually. I mean, what happens when you want to take 64 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:08,560 her to prom? 65 00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:09,620 Or graduation? 66 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:13,960 I know how this ends. I, too, knew forbidden love when I was your age. She 67 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,140 was the groundskeeper at the boarding school that I went to. And when the 68 00:04:17,140 --> 00:04:19,060 headmaster found our letters... Physical letters? 69 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,839 Like with stickers on them? Stamps, yeah. 70 00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:26,140 I'm just saying, your families will find out sooner or later, and you and Delilah 71 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:30,420 have to be prepared for the kind of intense, emotional scenes that would be 72 00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:33,120 very compelling in a trailer. 73 00:04:36,460 --> 00:04:39,360 So I'm meeting with assistants, and I'm a little overwhelmed. 74 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:43,040 I guess I shouldn't be surprised given the job market, but I've got computer 75 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:47,340 science majors, out-of-work food safety inspectors, a bunch of Spirit Airline 76 00:04:47,340 --> 00:04:50,480 pilots, CBS news producers, vaccinated country singers. 77 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:54,740 But hey, if I can't afford a whole marketing department, maybe a with-it 78 00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:55,579 young assistant. 79 00:04:55,580 --> 00:04:57,920 Nope. Can't legally say young. 80 00:04:58,420 --> 00:05:01,620 An assistant that's only ever started a car like this. 81 00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:04,440 I'm pushing a button. Is that clear? 82 00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:06,970 Okay, now my other hand is on a steering wheel. 83 00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:08,430 Does that read better? 84 00:05:09,270 --> 00:05:14,870 Maybe one of them can help me take this agency into the 21st century, which is 85 00:05:14,870 --> 00:05:16,590 already more than a quarter over. 86 00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:17,890 Holy... Is this right? 87 00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,150 You have a master's in marketing? 88 00:05:20,370 --> 00:05:24,430 Yeah, I wrote my thesis on those Capital One commercials where Jennifer Garner is 89 00:05:24,430 --> 00:05:27,550 friends with Spike Lee and Charles Barkley. I read they live together. It's 90 00:05:27,550 --> 00:05:28,269 a polycule. 91 00:05:28,270 --> 00:05:32,930 Look, I know I'm overqualified, but I am literally just looking for any 92 00:05:32,930 --> 00:05:34,370 opportunity to show what I can do. 93 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:39,580 Okay, then tell me what I'm doing wrong with Reggie Dinkins. I have cold-called 94 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:43,500 every sports show, podcast, and celebrity cruise. I've even reached out 95 00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:47,220 to the Ad Council. Back in the 90s, Reggie's first national TV spots were 96 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:50,300 PSAs. Y2K is coming! Furry your money in the woods! 97 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:59,320 First of all, you need to stop trying to engage with the gatekeepers. They don't 98 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,189 matter anymore. 99 00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:04,250 DM talent directly. They are on their phones way more than they're on their 100 00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:07,890 email. That's how I got Dochi to yarf into a Tux Clutch Mini on Hot Ones. 101 00:06:08,130 --> 00:06:09,130 You're hired. 102 00:06:11,590 --> 00:06:13,650 Hang up your stuff, Carmelo. 103 00:06:14,470 --> 00:06:17,930 I don't recognize this curl pattern. 104 00:06:18,350 --> 00:06:19,570 I'm 2C. 105 00:06:19,930 --> 00:06:23,550 Monica has braids and Rusty is 3B. 106 00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:28,970 Go ahead, Carmelo. 107 00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:38,310 Quick, talking head. I think Carmelo may have himself a little yeah, yeah. 108 00:06:38,670 --> 00:06:39,890 A secret girlfriend. 109 00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:41,410 Oh, wow, right. 110 00:06:41,730 --> 00:06:44,330 The family Spotify is like all Kehlani now. 111 00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:46,250 Air supply. 112 00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:50,110 Oh, thank you. And based on the laundry, Carmelo started washing his ass. 113 00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:53,130 And so nobody in the family knows who this girl is? 114 00:06:53,350 --> 00:06:57,330 If I don't know, you know they don't. But I'm not gonna pry, because... 115 00:06:57,770 --> 00:07:02,110 I'm a cool stepmom, like Cheryl Lee Ralph and Moesha. 116 00:07:03,010 --> 00:07:04,350 Alice and Janie and Juno. 117 00:07:05,070 --> 00:07:08,630 Yeah, of course, and I mean, what would be the point? You probably wouldn't be 118 00:07:08,630 --> 00:07:09,750 able to figure it out anyway. 119 00:07:10,050 --> 00:07:12,130 Please, I could find a high school girl. 120 00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:16,290 Let's take a look at Carmelo's memo. 121 00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:19,730 Okay, who you paying back for pizza with a heart? 122 00:07:20,050 --> 00:07:21,450 Click on her profile. 123 00:07:22,230 --> 00:07:23,770 Aw, she's cute. 124 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:28,960 3c just like i said reverse image search to find her insta 125 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:35,780 hold on why is she in so many pictures with oh no what do you see is that 126 00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:42,380 jesus joseph and a goddamn donkey she's a basmati oh i hope that boy get home 127 00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:48,640 safe from school so i could kill him it's been a week since a hall of fame 128 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,700 vote and according to our new head of publicity 129 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:56,660 That's like a lifetime these days. It always has been for a lunar moth. But we 130 00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,980 haven't done anything to capitalize on this momentum. 131 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:00,720 Um, ex-squeeze you. 132 00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:05,620 I mean, I handle Reggie's socials, and four days ago, we posted this. 133 00:08:06,460 --> 00:08:07,460 We outside. 134 00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:10,220 That's a thing from COVID, and you're clearly inside. 135 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:11,540 Well, what about the documentary? 136 00:08:12,060 --> 00:08:13,100 And when are people going to see that? 137 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:14,680 Like, a year from now? 138 00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:18,820 Yeah, if you want to rush it and end up with a jumbo The Elephant Dreams of 139 00:08:18,820 --> 00:08:19,820 Trees on your hands. 140 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,060 A what? Yeah, exactly. 141 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,620 Reggie, we've got to get your face out there now, like today. 142 00:08:25,020 --> 00:08:25,959 High key. 143 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,540 People do like my face because I have an extra layer of skin. 144 00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:34,520 You okay? 145 00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:38,700 I talked to Mr. Tobin. Did you show him that video you took of him trying to get 146 00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:39,700 a key onto a key ring? 147 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:40,840 Oh, come on. 148 00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:42,620 Please. 149 00:08:43,179 --> 00:08:46,320 Please. No, I didn't even have to get that far. 150 00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:49,260 He said he won't tell anyone. 151 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,840 So, what's the problem, Carmi Bear? 152 00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:55,160 I told you, he films everything. 153 00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:59,560 You ever watch that movie Eagle Eye with Shia LaBeouf? I'm a teenage girl in 154 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:03,380 2026. I've seen the action thriller Eagle Eye starring Michelle Monaghan and 155 00:09:03,380 --> 00:09:07,140 Billy Bob Thornton. Well, he is Eagle Eye. 156 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:11,580 It's just... What is our plan here? 157 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,240 I mean, our parents are gonna find out at some point. 158 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:15,600 We'll be more careful from now on. 159 00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:19,890 Was thinking for prom I'll take my friend Brandon and you take your friend 160 00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:24,970 Alice and then at the dance we switch Because they both have face blindness. 161 00:09:25,110 --> 00:09:31,950 Oh my god. You're like a genius Hey 162 00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:36,770 Why aren't you two answering your phone cuz we're doing what you asked Monica 163 00:09:36,770 --> 00:09:37,930 we're making content. 164 00:09:38,290 --> 00:09:39,930 I'm doing an unboxing video 165 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,680 Is air-conditioned filters fam? 166 00:09:42,980 --> 00:09:44,940 Max, tell Reggie the good news. 167 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,160 Crisis risen? 168 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,440 Girl, he been back. 169 00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:51,780 No. Mike Tirico agreed to interview you for his Sunday night football pre 170 00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:53,400 -pregame show. It tapes tomorrow. 171 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:54,720 That's amazing! 172 00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,120 Who needs gatekeepers? Am I right? 173 00:09:57,340 --> 00:10:01,580 I can't celebrate by doing the worm anymore, so vertical worm! 174 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:06,700 If I could turn my head... It would be like you were on the ground. I'm sorry. 175 00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:10,920 DMing Mike Tirico was the easy part. Now we have to make this a thing that 176 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:11,920 anybody would care about. 177 00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:14,120 Celebrity interviews, they're boring. 178 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,600 Unless they're controversial. 179 00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,600 Kanye, got it. Or have an animal. 180 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,400 Mudang icon. 181 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,000 Or sex. 182 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,060 So any interview Seth Meyers does. 183 00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:27,300 Or heartwarming. 184 00:10:28,230 --> 00:10:32,290 Controversial animal sex heartwarming. C-A-S-H. Cash. 185 00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:36,390 And if we hit more than one of those things... Ooh, like Mudang in a bikini? 186 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,190 You're not just doing an interview. 187 00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:40,290 You're trending. 188 00:10:40,430 --> 00:10:45,310 Okay. I could do controversial. They had to edit me out of Hugh Hefner's roast. 189 00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:47,010 And we have an animal we can use. 190 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,230 Rusty's ferret. 191 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:52,380 Slinky. I think the people know about Slinky by now, Monica. I talk about her 192 00:10:52,380 --> 00:10:53,299 all the time. 193 00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:55,340 Ferrets love to play and explore. 194 00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:58,360 How much do you think Slinky is going to be in the documentary? 195 00:10:58,800 --> 00:10:59,980 A lot, probably? 196 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:04,660 Okay. What's her name? 197 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,760 I know you've seen someone. 198 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,700 Carmelo. You little low Romeo. 199 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,920 I want to meet this girl. What's her Insta? She doesn't have one. 200 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,440 No hands. 201 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:21,610 Liar! Do you have a death wish? No, I didn't even know who she was when we 202 00:11:21,610 --> 00:11:22,610 met. 203 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:26,150 I guess we, uh, both got cones, huh? 204 00:11:28,570 --> 00:11:30,110 I, uh, guess you do, too. 205 00:11:31,430 --> 00:11:35,730 Whatever. I forbid you from dating Delilah Basmati. Well, no, I mean, it's 206 00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:36,730 not even that serious. 207 00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:38,930 We only hung out, like, a couple of times. 208 00:11:39,130 --> 00:11:40,450 A couple of times this week, maybe. 209 00:11:40,890 --> 00:11:42,370 They see each other every day after school. 210 00:11:43,330 --> 00:11:45,210 You've been filming us? You knew? 211 00:11:46,370 --> 00:11:47,370 Jail! 212 00:11:48,170 --> 00:11:48,969 Space jail. 213 00:11:48,970 --> 00:11:52,330 What's the difference? Space jail moves at the speed of light, so time goes 214 00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:55,970 slower. When your sentence is done, centuries have passed on Earth. 215 00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:59,510 Everything you knew and everyone you loved is gone. No. 216 00:11:59,710 --> 00:12:01,930 Oh, and I have not forgot about you. 217 00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:05,270 Brina. Don't Brina me. 218 00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:07,690 I'm eight years older than you. 219 00:12:07,910 --> 00:12:10,470 I was reading chapter books when you were still in diapers. 220 00:12:10,910 --> 00:12:11,930 What were you thinking? 221 00:12:12,270 --> 00:12:14,790 Things are finally going good for this family. I know. 222 00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:19,830 I just... Really liked Delilah. Then ended for her sake. 223 00:12:20,070 --> 00:12:24,110 If your parents find out, they will kill you. And they are the nice ones. 224 00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:26,170 Wait! You can't date a Basmati. 225 00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:27,530 They're evil. 226 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,130 Jerry and Tisha Basmati catfished me. 227 00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:34,270 And then I ran into Salma Hayek for real and kissed her, and there was zero 228 00:12:34,270 --> 00:12:37,630 chemistry. Wait, how do you know about... The AC vent above the laundry 229 00:12:37,630 --> 00:12:38,870 connects to the one in your room. 230 00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:41,710 Wait, is that why sometimes you're crying late at night? No. 231 00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:43,230 No, it's not. 232 00:12:43,370 --> 00:12:46,510 No, but now all three of you are keeping a secret from Reggie. 233 00:12:47,150 --> 00:12:50,890 As am I. Perhaps we should rip the Band-Aid off and tell Reggie right now. 234 00:12:51,030 --> 00:12:52,250 I will kick you so hard. 235 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:53,670 No, no, no. I'll do it. 236 00:12:54,530 --> 00:12:55,530 I'll end it. 237 00:12:56,390 --> 00:12:59,750 Just promise me you guys won't tell my mom or my dad. 238 00:13:00,750 --> 00:13:05,210 Okay, I won't. And if you do hear crying, it's probably just the wind 239 00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:08,470 watching videos of old dogs eating birthday cakes. 240 00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:12,910 Reggie Dinkins, welcome back to Sunday Night Football. 241 00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:14,410 It's been a minute. 242 00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:16,010 Yes. 243 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:17,520 Thank you. 244 00:13:18,060 --> 00:13:19,060 Football. 245 00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:23,520 Right before he went on, I handed Slinky to Reggie, but then I'm watching 246 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,720 backstage, and I'm like, where the hell is Slinky? 247 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,600 Ferris loved to play and explore Monica. 248 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,080 So she went in my shirt, and she explored everywhere. 249 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:36,780 You're finally in the conversation for the Hall of Fame. How does that feel? 250 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:39,880 Slinky, stop! 251 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,820 Are you okay? No! 252 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:45,680 No! 253 00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:49,790 No, Sleeky's not bad, Sleeky. Uh-oh, don't go in there, Sleeky. 254 00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:52,710 I have to go now. 255 00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:55,570 Well, 256 00:13:56,630 --> 00:13:57,830 that was unusable. 257 00:13:58,890 --> 00:14:04,570 Now we have five minutes to fill, but I promise it will be magic. 258 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,520 Do you really think they'd tell? 259 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:21,760 The last time I saw Braina this mad was when Rihanna said she had news to drop 260 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,560 and it ended up being another stupid pregnancy. 261 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,360 I thought we had more time. 262 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:29,040 But I think Gator overheard us on the phone the other day. 263 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:32,040 Who? Gator's my dad's friend who lives in our pool house. 264 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:36,100 He's like your Rusty, except his real doll eats dinner with us. 265 00:14:36,940 --> 00:14:38,600 I wrote a goodbye song for you. 266 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:41,440 Can you give me a beat? 267 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,420 Of course I can, Kermit Bear. 268 00:14:56,690 --> 00:14:57,930 You're so dang talented. 269 00:15:00,930 --> 00:15:01,930 Boy, 270 00:15:02,770 --> 00:15:07,170 I wish I had a stepmom like you growing up instead of Shawna. All she cared 271 00:15:07,170 --> 00:15:08,470 about was my dad's body. 272 00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:11,790 Sometimes you gotta be a Maleficent. 273 00:15:12,510 --> 00:15:15,810 I love love, but I also love peace, okay? 274 00:15:18,850 --> 00:15:24,690 And you, Acton R, one doesn't know who the girl is. You simply must find out. 275 00:15:25,130 --> 00:15:27,350 Who's the girl? What's her bloody identity? 276 00:15:27,770 --> 00:15:31,970 All right, mate, I might have stirred the pot a little bit, but Carmelo and 277 00:15:31,970 --> 00:15:35,510 Delilah put the beans into that pot. All right, this is their chili. 278 00:15:35,710 --> 00:15:36,710 Yeah. 279 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:37,990 We should make chili. 280 00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:41,970 And I could have told Monica and Reggie. I made a big dramatic scene out of it, 281 00:15:42,010 --> 00:15:43,090 but I didn't. True. 282 00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,410 Good looking out. 283 00:15:46,430 --> 00:15:50,810 So do we want three bowls of chili or just one big bowl, three spoons? 284 00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:52,650 Damn fair. 285 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,670 I'm not mad at Slinky. 286 00:15:54,970 --> 00:15:56,330 I'm just disappointed. 287 00:15:57,010 --> 00:15:59,250 I almost sat on the cake. 288 00:16:00,630 --> 00:16:02,250 Debra's party could be ruined. 289 00:16:03,810 --> 00:16:05,170 God in heaven. 290 00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:06,660 Heaven? 291 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,300 What are you guys doing here? 292 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:12,380 I was on my way home when I realized I left my charger and I only used the old 293 00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:13,380 kind. No. 294 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,740 What in the hell are you doing here? 295 00:16:17,020 --> 00:16:22,320 I'm trying to pay my rent. I only took this bum-ass minimum wage job so I'd 296 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:26,140 have some place to shoot my office party cake-sitting vids for OnlyFans. 297 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,340 It's called splashing, young man. 298 00:16:28,980 --> 00:16:29,980 Wow. 299 00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:35,030 You are so fired. No, you know what? You don't get to judge me, okay? 300 00:16:35,390 --> 00:16:38,970 I live with eight roommates in Bushwick. 301 00:16:39,390 --> 00:16:40,630 Because that's all I can afford. 302 00:16:41,170 --> 00:16:43,030 And now you're ruining my side hustle. 303 00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:45,030 Maybe if you all sit on the cake? 304 00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:49,990 Look, man, I don't care what you do to Monica's office, but the whole cash 305 00:16:49,990 --> 00:16:53,430 thing blew up in my face, among other places. 306 00:16:53,870 --> 00:16:58,110 Oh, you mean I don't have a secret cheat code for Internet fame. 307 00:16:59,530 --> 00:17:00,530 Nobody does. 308 00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:02,290 Did you also lie about your resume? 309 00:17:02,610 --> 00:17:04,970 No. And that's the problem. 310 00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:11,369 I am in so much debt for an education that is useless now. I was the one who 311 00:17:11,369 --> 00:17:12,369 was lied to, Monica. 312 00:17:12,890 --> 00:17:17,670 My whole generation was, thanks to you boomers. Hey, we are Gen X. 313 00:17:18,050 --> 00:17:21,329 At least you guys knew. Maybe one day you could buy a home. Or, I don't know, 314 00:17:21,410 --> 00:17:24,609 afford kids. Or maybe even stop buying coffee on Klarna. 315 00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:28,230 The world is on fire. The ticks, they're winning! 316 00:17:28,810 --> 00:17:32,350 And my sister's school just shut down because of measles. Yeah! 317 00:17:33,070 --> 00:17:34,070 Measles are back! 318 00:17:34,350 --> 00:17:35,350 Thank you for that! 319 00:17:41,950 --> 00:17:42,950 You ready? 320 00:17:43,570 --> 00:17:44,570 Bad day? 321 00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:51,110 You know, I used to think that Sisyphus guy in Latin class had it all figured 322 00:17:51,110 --> 00:17:54,250 out. He's got a job, getting his steps in. 323 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:59,240 But getting really close to your goals and then having to start over is 324 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:00,680 actually really frustrating. 325 00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,480 I know how that feels. 326 00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:07,300 Yeah, you do. Talk about having to start over. You blew up your career so bad. 327 00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,540 My movie was the only job you could get. 328 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:14,280 Hey, not the only job. I also directed some sexual harassment training videos 329 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,259 before this. 330 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,980 Hey, Karen, I want you to come to my office and sit on a cake I bought. 331 00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:21,460 Sad. 332 00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:24,240 And you don't even have a family that loves you. 333 00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:30,230 But, you know, Reggie, that is why, no matter what happened today, I know for a 334 00:18:30,230 --> 00:18:31,390 fact you've been through worse. 335 00:18:32,830 --> 00:18:37,050 You know, if the Sisyphus guy had a dude he could talk to, maybe the rock thing 336 00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:38,210 wouldn't have been so hard. 337 00:18:39,390 --> 00:18:42,030 I'm glad I have you, Arthur Tobin. 338 00:18:42,390 --> 00:18:47,270 We get each other, despite, you know, what your people did. 339 00:18:48,370 --> 00:18:51,650 What if Delilah was Carmelo Sisyphus' buddy? 340 00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,690 I mean, who else could understand what it was like to grow up the way they both 341 00:18:54,690 --> 00:18:56,410 did? And with those fathers. 342 00:18:57,210 --> 00:19:00,010 Taught to hate another family for things that happened before they were even 343 00:19:00,010 --> 00:19:01,010 born. 344 00:19:01,370 --> 00:19:02,490 And they have a Rusty. 345 00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:05,650 And I broke them up. 346 00:19:07,470 --> 00:19:09,150 Yeah, I have to... What the hell? 347 00:19:10,130 --> 00:19:11,029 Oh, no! 348 00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:12,990 Slinky, no! No! Slinky, not in there! 349 00:19:16,170 --> 00:19:17,950 It's supposed to be on during this commercial break. 350 00:19:18,710 --> 00:19:19,710 Oh, 351 00:19:19,990 --> 00:19:20,869 this is it! 352 00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:21,870 It's on! 353 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:24,270 Here's a touchdown that anyone can score. 354 00:19:24,890 --> 00:19:28,450 Vaccinate your kids against measles. You'd have to have a worm in your brain 355 00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:29,450 not to do it. 356 00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:35,570 But, 357 00:19:35,810 --> 00:19:39,210 Monica, that's from, like, the 1900s. How is it on TV? 358 00:19:39,590 --> 00:19:42,110 Well, I called the Ad Council with a new pitch. 359 00:19:42,370 --> 00:19:46,390 I realized they were going to need to make a bunch of new PSAs for all those 360 00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:47,790 old diseases or... 361 00:19:48,110 --> 00:19:50,150 They could just rerun the ones they already have. 362 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:56,770 And if the measles can make a comeback, so can Reggie Dinkins. I said it from 363 00:19:56,770 --> 00:19:59,310 the start. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 364 00:19:59,570 --> 00:20:00,570 And I never did. 365 00:20:00,870 --> 00:20:05,570 But if Max is right, and no one knows what they're doing, then we know as much 366 00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:06,570 as anyone. 367 00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:10,730 Knock, knock. 368 00:20:11,390 --> 00:20:13,490 Hey, Carmelo, can we talk? 369 00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:15,310 Oh. 370 00:20:21,770 --> 00:20:23,910 What does a teenage boy need with stamps? 371 00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:26,930 He didn't even know what a stamp was two days ago. 372 00:20:28,070 --> 00:20:29,130 But then I remembered. 373 00:20:29,610 --> 00:20:31,230 I had seen those stamps somewhere. 374 00:20:32,930 --> 00:20:33,930 This way. 375 00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:37,550 Their breakup was a ruse for the cameras. 376 00:20:37,830 --> 00:20:40,690 They knew I was watching and they planned it all via the post. 377 00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,650 Carmelo and Delilah didn't break up. 378 00:20:44,050 --> 00:20:45,430 They just went off the grid. 379 00:20:46,110 --> 00:20:47,790 Well, I have learned my lesson. 380 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:51,110 And this time I shall play no part in the... 381 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:53,760 inevitable drama. 382 00:20:54,540 --> 00:21:01,080 Truly, after all, who am I to come between a Reggie and his beloved Arthur? 383 00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:08,400 What people don't realize is that when they kiss an envelope, the mailman is 384 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,260 the next person that handles that envelope. 385 00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:12,560 So the kiss goes to us. 386 00:21:12,860 --> 00:21:15,660 We deliver your mail, but we keep the kisses. 387 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,140 We keep the kisses. 388 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:19,720 Good night!